I Have a Secret

During the summer of 2020, following the murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery, I wrote an essay entitled “I Have a Secret.” The essay appeared in Down Yonder ‘Zine in the first part of 2022. Unfortunately, the zine’s site is down, so the essay, with great illustrations by Rebekah Cardova, cannot be accessed. You can use the WayBackmachine to see the site, but you cannot read the essays in the zine. So, today I wanted to share the essay with you. After you read it, check out the essay I did about the writing process for “I Have a Secret.”

I wanna tell you a secret. Come a little closer so it doesn’t get out to the whole world.

Are you ready?

I’m a racist.

I knew I was racist before a white woman accosted Christian Cooper in Central Park, weaponizing her white tears and claiming Cooper was terrorizing her.

I knew I was racist before the state-sanctioned murder of George Floyd when officers kept a knee on his throat for over eight minutes as he cried out for his mother.

I knew I was racist before the state-sanctioned murder of Breonna Taylor who would’ve been 27 today at the hands of officers who shot her dead, in her home.

I knew I was racist before the lynching of Ahmaud Arbery when three white men hunted him down in the street, shot him, and…